vol.19: finding a new life motto
thinking about the sea, reading so many books, and trying to write more
I’d swim until the fatigue crawled into all my limbs, letting the current take me back to shore, when I was younger and hadn’t yet learned what it meant to feel fear. Every summer, we’d go the beach, and since my parents raised me to have a sense of agency, though I’d prescribed it to something else back then, alongside my thought process that if I’d swim long enough I might just discover I was a mermaid, even though I’d pinch my nose with my right hand until I was nearly thirteen years old, I’d take it upon myself to swim as far out into the ocean as I could, all alone, as a ten year old child who told her parents she was just headed to the beach to collect sea shells. Now, it probably wasn’t that far, but it’s far enough in the past that I don’t remember clearly. I mention it because it was that complete lack of fear that I’m trying to grasp on to once again. Believing that nothing bad will ever happen, but rather wading into the unknown has the power to elicit something magical. Also, the sea is calling my name. The shells I collected a few years ago, sitting in a shoebox in a storage unit too far away for me to access, under the assumption I’d be back much sooner. And I had intended to use them to make necklaces throughout the summer. But alas. I’m landlocked. So I dream instead. And read. So…
reading
June has brought with it an endless wave of reading, unwavering when it comes to putting down a book when it doesn’t click. It’s summer, and I’m succumbing to reading as entertainment, as a medium of feeling something along the lines of the romances I’m not currently seeking out.
Before We Were Innocent by Ella Berman: Three 18-year-old best friends travel to Greece, and only two return. A thriller rooted around the sea and far-flung adventures called my name. It’s a maybe murder mystery rooted in grief and loss and youthful naivety and the uncertainty when it feels like it’s happening all over again.
Still Born by Guadalupe Nettel: I found this book while browsing Service95 for book recommendations. It’s a story about two friends in their thirties, Alina and Laura, as they unravel their closeness to motherhood. I read it sitting on a lawn along the West Side Highway on a high 80-degree day, and I think something about the heat made the story about relationships, caregiving, motherhood, grief, love more potent.
Wild Dark Shore by Charlotte McConaghy: A family is living on an island near Antarctica that serves as a seed bank. When they’re mandated to leave as it’ll soon succumb to heightened water levels, a woman washes upon the shore. One of my favorites. I’m not sure if it’s an established commonality for Australian contemporary books to latch onto an achy story, but this is one of my favorites this year for that reason, amongst others I’ll delve into in my upcoming Books I Read in June.
Playground by Richard Powers: Much like The Overstory, four narratives eventually converge on Makatea in French Polynesia, which has been chosen as humanity’s next attempt at finding a livable option: floating cities. A major plot twist at the end left me unsure, and through re-reading the end and thinking about the questions I’d had and dismissed along the way, I found myself sure upon confirming it with Reddit threads talking about the ending.
The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides: A delayed plane and a thriller plot line had me finished before I realized it. It wasn’t until the end that I knew what was happening, and I loved the suspense and the psychological impact of the novel. It follows the story of a famous painter who shoots her husband one evening upon his return from work, and never speaks again.
Acts of Forgiveness by Maura Cheeks: The first part of the book ran slowly for me, but once the Forgiveness Act is passed, the action becomes foreground. I also enjoyed hearing from the daughter’s perspective because it felt the most important, able to cut through decades of blinds built up. Amidst fallen dreams and debt and hurt and hope and conversations on what forgiveness is, the first federal reparations, which would allow Black families to claim up to $175,000 if they can prove they are the descendants of slaves, means a chance for the main character to move forward while learning about her roots.
Dream Count by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: Just started, and I think Ngozi Adichie is picking apart, less commentary on women, but more so men, through the women’s perspectives. More to come on that. Would love to hear your thoughts if you’ve read it! On another note, I like how she zooms in to land on a note about love, as she does in her other novels.
on deck
I just picked up Audition by Katie Kitamura, and I have yet to read Summer by Ali Smith and The Maiden by Alex Michaelides. According to the library, Gingko Season by Naomi Xu Elegant is ready for pickup, and Cold Nights of Childhood by Tezer Özlü, Immaculate Conception by Ling Ling Huang, Set My Heart on Fire by Izumi Suzuki, and Wildcat Dome by Yūko Tsushima are in transit.
What’s on your summer to-read list!
wearing
My new favorite skirt. I was volunteering at The Wardrobe in Philadelphia with work a few months ago, and my eye was immediately captured. I skipped trying it on and just got it. It fits and sits perfectly. I brought it with me on a trip down to Nashville, and heading out to lunch, my aunt insisted I borrow her purse, which I couldn’t refuse, and it brought out the golds perfectly. I think I might need to invest in one…
Another outfit I wore while I was down there. All white everything, plus my Breton shirt. Everyone asked if I was wearing the same pants or the same shirt, and I responded, each time, I’m wearing the same whole outfit, which caught many a laughs. I had brought other pieces, but this outfit just worked. When I was headed out the door with my Grandma one sunny morning, I noticed this cool pair of sunglasses, said as such, and she insisted I wear them. As we walked, arms linked, to the car, she whispered in my ear, You won’t ever guess where I got them! To which, I responded, Where? She said, I found them at the drugstore. I saw them and thought I must try them on. When I looked in the mirror, I said, I look like a f*cking movie star. I really did. And knowing myself, a pair might get lost or broken, I bought four. I threw my head back in laughter, saying they made me feel like one (from the early 2000s), not expecting that those words or sentiment, and that has become my new motto. On another note, I’m not typically a belly show-er, but something about the pants, the simple tee, and the sunglasses made me feel cool, so I went with it. Not pictured: silver ballet flats.
I had forgotten about this black crochet dress until just the other day. I found it at a sidewalk sale that a group of women in Philadelphia holds each season. I actually originally bought it because I had planned to dress up as Jane Birkin at my cousin’s themed birthday party last year (straw purse and Mary Janes accompanied it!), and ended up wearing it as a cover-up the rest of the season.
I haven’t taken photos of any other outfit I’ve worn (à cause d’of a lack of a full-length mirror), but my mom tasked me with finding some pieces she can bring on her upcoming travels, pieces I obviously plan on borrowing. She has a lot of jewelry and accessories already, so I’m just adding the pieces I’ve been eyeing.
inspired by
A quick jaunt to New York City. I traveled by air, which I hadn’t done since I visited in 2021. I was able to celebrate my cousin’s birthday, see one of my best friends, and gallivant for a day. Used the Uber Shuttle option to get back to the airport and highly recommend. And another to Nashville. Family and fun and rolling hills and movies. One afternoon we made our way to Robert’s Western World, ‘the last real honky tonk,’ and listened to a fiddle-forward band.
Have Olivia Dean’s Nice To Each Other and Paul Simon’s Diamonds On The Soles Of Her Shoes on repeat, along with some other songs that match those vibes. Something about them makes the playlist perfect first thing in the morning, dancing in the kitchen, or really anytime.
- wrote a feature on Celine Song, director of The Materialists, which I wholeheartedly loved as a Victorian novel lover and hopeful romantic and clothing-obsessed woman in her twenties.
goal for the week
I haven’t been writing daily, as I told myself I would, which feels sticky, so I’m making it a goal to do so. Whether in my journal, in my notes app, on here, as long as it’s a thought beyond my usual lists, to-dos and grocery.
I keep meaning to make it a goal to keep a reading journal, my thoughts and experiences as I make my way through a book, but often times I find myself reading during the in-between moments, right before work begins or right before I fall asleep, not allowing myself the time to reflect afterwards, so I’m hoping to write about what I’m reading, too.
Bake a pie (?)
Let me know what you’re wearing and reading, or not wearing and reading, in the comments!